I did everything I could to be a good parent, but my daughter still ended up in jail. I've stopped criticizing myself.

• I looked forward to being a father and didn't expect it to be as tough as it has been.
• I worked hard to be a good dad, but my daughter still made choices my wife and I didn't agree with.
• No matter what, I'll always be there through the good and bad times for my daughter.

I never thought parenting would be a tough job. I looked forward to being a father. When my wife told me we were expecting a baby girl, I couldn't help but start to imagine all of the ways that I would make an impact in her life. I thought of things like play dates at the park, walks on the beach, father-daughter dances and everything I could do to be the very best dad.

I remember holding my daughter when she was born. She looked like a fragile, little thing that could disappear in my hands at any second. She opened her eyes to look at me and it was the most beautiful sight. As I was taking her home, I vowed that no matter what, I'll always be there for my daughter.

The years went by in a blur

The years passed by and my daughter was already a teenager. At this point, my wife and I went through a parenting phase that we could only describe as a nightmare. Our daughter would skip school, hang out with bad company, and was unruly a majority of the time. My wife and I struggled with feelings of shame and guilt especially because we had done all we could to raise her in the best way we knew how.

She was our only child and we had visualized the best life for her, not the reality that we were living. I think I had selfish fantasies of the valedictorian she would be, and how she would ace her math classes and take part in all school projects. I struggled to accept that my precious little girl was now living in a way that only served her. Still, I was an unconditional father, always there to support her no matter what.

And then things got even harder

Although I felt like I was stuck in a teenage trance and an unending roller coaster of emotions, time didn't wait for me to catch up. After constantly being in and out of trouble as a teenager, my little girl faced her first arrest at 19. A night of reckless drinking and driving resulted in a DUI charge. Someone was injured in the accident and my daughter was sentenced to some time in jail.

Jail time. I was shocked, confused, and felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. It's amazing how one day you can wake up and everything is okay, and the next your life is turned upside down. I felt so defeated.

I grieved for something I never really had

When you do everything you can to ensure a happy existence for your child, it's difficult when things don't turn out the way you anticipate. It's like grieving for something you never really had to begin with.

I've always seen myself as a stand-up father and would trade spots with my daughter in a heartbeat. I love her to the ends of the earth and there's nothing I wouldn't do to turn things around for her.

Needless to say, jail is a tough pill to swallow, but I'm hoping that time away will be an opportunity for her to reflect on her life and make the changes that we are all hoping for.

I'm giving myself grace

I realize that parenting never stops. It's a job you take on from the day you have your child to the day you die. It's a for better, for worse commitment that doesn't allow you to let your child down. No matter what, I'll always be there through the good and bad times, and the in-betweens.

As a dad, I've been disappointed but the love still flows freely. I wish better decisions were made but it's never too late to work things out. I've stopped overly-criticizing myself and I'm focusing more on trying to do better. I've repurposed my pain and I'm hopeful that someday things will change.

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